(S)oul Ti(e)s e(x)pected
Soul-tiEs-eXpected
A Practical Look at Intimacy: Tackling a Difficult and Sometimes Taboo Topic... To Spark a Dialogue, Make Life Simpler, and Reference Faith.
Main take-away:
Society has distorted sex extremely. It's best to reserve physical and mental intimate energy for worthy people... so sex, of all things, is defiantly a holy and selective action. Figure out YOURSELF first (Who are you… in Christ…? What are your values? What do you want to do with your life?), and then you can better determine which people are BEST for you and truly build you up... and eventually, who your spouse and sexual partner will be. This discernment should take place before any new random people become part of your close TRIBE (or before mating with anyone to create a larger tribe occurs.) In this case, a tribe refers to the individuals that understand, serve as accountability partners, support, critique and share interests with a person.
What is sex (it’s most basic definitions) and how has it been watered down in today’s age?
Sex leads to procreation. Thankfully, the act of procreation is also enjoyable (for many people). Each time sex occurs, pregnancy is not the outcome (there is probability/chance and there are also birth control methods)- so sex is also a form of CONNECTION and pleasure (for people... and some animals too.)
Sex can happen between a man and a woman to produce a baby... and for pleasure. Sex can also happen between a man and a man or a woman and a woman for desire... and for pleasure. Even still, sex can happen with one's self through the act of masturbation for desire... and for pleasure. The societal disconnect occurs when recreational sex takes the place of covenant unity.
Oftentimes, we think of two particular individuals (or a couple) as having sex, but this is not always the case. Sometimes, sexual partners change, or even groups of people have sex with each other. Sex does not always happen voluntarily (with the consent of both parties.) It can be taken through the act of rape, or more specifically through the act of molestation (when a child is involved.) Even if sex is not desired, a connection may still be formed between the individuals.
Though sex leads to procreation, now with technology, the act is not always a prerequisite for reproduction. Individuals can combine and share DNA to implant an egg into a fertile mother. From this point, a 100% human "test tube baby" is created.
The most conservative viewing of sex is reserved for a married couple (a man and a wife) that have made a commitment to be together long term. The married couple then has the opportunity to create off-springs and raise a family together.
Why is all of the above information important to consider?
When selecting a mate to be committed to and create a family with, sex should not be at the forefront, contrary to popular belief. Praise, values, communication, team work, enjoyment, understanding, goal- setting, family planning, and LIFE in general are so much more than physical (or carnal) desire. This is why some people opt to wait (abstain) to have sex when courting (determining if a match will work) for marriage (a covenant).
If intimacy and marriage is the goal, all sexual references and acts outside of a covenant is desensitization away from a pure act of love. If you are not sensitive to sex, it is difficult to accept it in its original magnitude of importance.
There are Christians that have had sex and procreated outside of marriage, waited until marriage for physical intimacy (what the Bible commands), and even had relations with a partner and then waited until marriage to continual sexual intimacy. Though there are blessings in a number of circumstances, the reality is that our bodies are always God’s temples (He made us!) Therefore, we should honor God with our lives and our bodies until eternity… and part of that honor is fleeing from sexual activity until a commitment has been made under God and the government (that we call marriage.) At that point, intimacy can be enjoyed in its God given manner.
The Bible says to stay away from sexual immorality and to love others, on many occasions. Therefore, sex and love must be completely different things (since single people are advised to love, too.) Our best example of LOVE is the sacrifice that God made when He sent His son Jesus to intercede for us and take ownership of our sins, though He was innocent. This example is remarkably selfless, and physical attraction is nowhere present in the sacrifice.
The Bible never commands us to marry (it even advises us to be single), and admits that marriage is a challenge. However, there are advantages of companionship (love) such as ministry and learning more selflessness on a daily basis. While marriage creates a structure for procreation, we also know that perfectly healthy, happy, and successful children are brought into this world outside of marriage on occasion. We should be equally thankful for these offspring, because all children are gifts.
Since each individual does not have enough energy to have "ties" to a lot of people, it seems that the fewer close relationships (and especially the fewer sexual relationships a person has) the better. Sexual relationships without commitment usually end with no spiritual closeness or growth to show for it. Believe it or not, it seems that most people (both men and women) desire physical and spiritual intimacy (despite what they ... or what society... tends to do or say.)
*Soul Ties: Whenever we have interactions with other individuals, we become SPIRITUALLY CLOSE. Contact, both mentally and physically, is great for connection, but it's also difficult when ties have been formed with individuals that are not meant to be a part of our TRIBE for many reasons. Breaking a soul tie may be extremely difficult and take a toll on the mind and body (ungodly soul ties bring forth negative energy.) Soul ties may lead to good or bad strong-holds (A stronghold is a defensive structure: Psalms 9:9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. misgav; properly, a cliff (or other lofty or inaccessible place); figuratively, a refuge:--defense, high fort (tower), refuge.) They may also lead to generational curses or blessings (a reality that reoccurs in a family lineage that can only be broken or sustained through exposing the root source of the problem or solution.) However, God provides healing and purity to those who love and seek Him. There are multiple chances (due to God's grace and people's willingness to repent) and new beginnings after soul ties diminish, so there is always hope.
What do yogis say about all of this?
Since the foundation of the spiritual path of yoga is ethics, the ethical principles of 1) non-harming, 2) truthfulness, 3) wise use of sexual energy, 4) not stealing, and 5) non-acquisitiveness are very important. Elaborating on #3 (the wise use of sexual energy) Brahmacharya is a term meaning a lifestyle characterized by sexual abstinence, even to the extreme of celibacy when concerning monks. In a more balanced sense, sexuality is sacred to our psychological maturing and should be worked with as we respect our bodies, and that of another. The goal should only be for a sexual relationship that fulfills mutual understanding, love, and commitment. When these wholesome topics are not the goal, and lustful craving is the driving source, negative emotions of suffering, frustration and isolation are manifested. When thoughts of loneliness (we are never separated from God’s love in Christianity) or fantasies (turning others into objects for our own personal desire) do occur, there are tools to combat this. Karma’s notion explained by Patanjali (author of Sanskrit works and yoga text) expresses that unwholesome thoughts can be neutralized by cultivating wholesome ones. A wholesome thought concerning sexual intimacy is that a new pure life could be brought into the world, which means new culture.
Furthermore, the goal is to “travel lightly” as we grow through life’s journey by not bringing along unnecessary baggage of 1) inappropriate relationships, 2) guilt, 3) shame, and the 4) manifestations of a mind caught in A) greed, B) hatred or C) delusion. In Christianity, baggage can also be described as “soul-ties” or personal “demons,” so though there are some obvious differences between various faith-walks, there are some glaring similarities as well.
Questions to think about:
Who have you created close soul ties with?
What do you do when you think of a person that you are currently tied to (or were tied to in the past)?
What do you do to keep soul ties in tact currently?
What did you do to break a soul tie in the past?
Where do your closest relationships come from? Where are these people located?
Why do you enjoy being tied to your closest 5 people? Who are they and what do you do spiritually and physically for each other?
How many soul ties do you currently have? How many soul ties have been broken?
What can make you whole again besides the blood of Jesus?
Dating Logic:
Know yourself in Christ
Know your worth
Know your dreams, goals, and aspirations
Take care of your mind (education)
Take care of your body (exercise, hydration, and eating well)
Take care of your spirit (sermons, Bible reading, and prayer)
Take care of your bank account (budget, give, and spend wisely)
Make positive relationships that share a common bond
Create positive friendships that encourage you and the other person
Learn to enjoy alone time and act purposefully (not out of desperation)
Participate in activities that will bring you toward like minded people
Make friends with men and women, young and old... connect
If you and a man are attracted to each other, don't be afraid to ask questions up front before feelings form! There should be a clear "getting-to-know-you" phase in relationships.
Understand that it is not everyone's destiny to get married and its better to wait on God's assignment than to seek a mate with whom you are not equally yoked.
Know that as a wife (if it is your desire and destiny to get married) your role is to be your husband's rib (while he is your covering.) Understand that women are equally important in marriage because though the husband is the head, women are the "neck" and necessary for balance and nurturing (especially if there are children).
Before getting married, understand that you want a marriage more beautiful than your wedding. Marriage is a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, lifelong PROCESS... a constant dying to your selfish desires and learning to grow as a team. Make sure you are rooted as a person to better take-on the new trials (but many blessings) ahead... enjoy your partner!
Consider some advice from Jefferson Bethke, Nicole Walters, Jerry Flowers and Minister Heather Lindsey (Founder of Pinky Promise: A women's organization that promotes honoring God with our LIVES and our BODIES.)
*This piece was inspired by my decision to "wait for God's best," personal seasons of heartbreak, countless stories from women in situations that could have been avoided, and happy ending testimonies from singles and couples that have found their purpose and live in peace after making God their number one choice!